1 - To be Recognised As An International Statesman I can order takeaway in Mandarin

2 - To be United Nations Secretary General! I can speak some Mandarin

3 - To be President of the International Cricket Council! I can speak some Mandarin and have beaten John Howard

4 - To embarrass Julia! She doesn't speak Mandarin.

5 - To embarrass Australia! The people don't recognise I'm important.