1 - To be Recognised As An International Statesman I can order takeaway in Mandarin
2 - To be United Nations Secretary General! I can speak some Mandarin
3 - To be President of the International Cricket Council! I can speak some Mandarin and have beaten John Howard
4 - To embarrass Julia! She doesn't speak Mandarin.
5 - To embarrass Australia! The people don't recognise I'm important.